


Grace

by Yana



Category: Free!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 02:25:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yana/pseuds/Yana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being in the grace of someone is a great treasure. Especially when he hurt that someone. - slight HaruGou, Haruka-Makoto friendship, mentions of onesided HaruAki</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grace

**Author's Note:**

> A little Haruka character drama (?) I already posted on FF.net around episode 8 I think.

It was a windy, late afternoon. The sun was already setting on the West and everyone was going home from work or school. The Iwatobi Swimming Club already finished practicing for today but it didn’t mean every one of them left the pool.

Haruka stayed for a little more, saying he wanted to think for a while. Alone, preferably. Rei didn’t really care about it, he was new here, he wasn’t familiar with Haruka’s habits yet. Nagisa was too busy with talking to Rei about something so maybe he didn’t even notice the older boy’s absence. Only Makoto turned back with a little worry in his eyes.

“Everything alright, Haru?”

“Yeah” he said and sat down on the edge of the pool, not looking at Makoto. Makoto, of course, got what he meant by this: _leave me alone, I’m okay, now go._ The taller boy nodded with a smile and turned to leave and soon Haruka was finally alone, deep in his thoughts.

The trainings were going well. Rei got better and the others were getting faster too. But Haruka still wasn’t completely okay with the thought that he had to be part of a team. A relay team, on top of that, where he had to get better with every turn. But stepping back now was not an option anymore. Again, he was lured into something he didn’t want and Makoto knew that but he just smiled. He saw into him and smiled at everything. He found it sometimes really annoying.

He and Nagisa used his love for the water against him. A few years ago he would have turned his back to them how he usually did. Back then he was a really selfish jerk, he knew that. He only cared about himself and his own good, never being interested in others.

But he changed for the best. That moment when Rin had passed by him after he defeated him had a good affect on him. The change was good but it also meant he lost a friend. He had finally started to appreciate Makoto’s friendship who had, of course, notice this. And after his grandmother’s death Makoto had been the only one who had cared about him. Sometimes he didn’t like it. He wanted Makoto to leave him alone and stop smiling at him like he was a lost puppy. He wasn’t a puppy and he wasn’t lost.

Yeah, he was lost…

He was lost in this uncertain and unknown place called life. What would he be when he grows up? How would he get money? How would he live? At times when these thoughts started to take over his mind he needed Makoto the most. He wasn’t uncertain and wasn’t unknown.

But he didn’t want anyone to care about him. He didn’t need that.

Someone suddenly put a towel on his head and started drying his hair. The fingers were gentle and caring. Haruka was so taken aback by this sudden action that he acted without thinking. He hit away the hand and looked up with angry eyes.

It was not the first time in his life he regretted his hastiness.

Gou knelt next to him. Her hands were pulled back to her chest, her eyes wide and shocked. The towel lay on the ground, forgotten.

Haruka felt his eyes widened too. He didn’t expect Gou to show up here today. She had said this morning she had to do something this afternoon. If it were Makoto or Nagisa behind him, they wouldn’t be offended by his action. They knew Haruka, Makoto for longer than anyone. Makoto would just smile and give the towel to him, and Nagisa would pout but start laughing in a few moments.

But Gou didn’t know him. She wasn’t familiar with his habits yet. Maybe they had seen each other a few years ago but they started to know the other just a few months ago. And it was a short time for Gou to really understand him.

Haruka wanted to be angry at Gou for doing something he didn’t like but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because of her eyes and the pain and disappointment he saw in them. This whole scenario was so familiar. This already happened to him long ago when an other girl had shown her care towards him. He had hit her hand away too and immediately regretted doing that. But Aki had gotten over it, or she had just shown that, and they never mentioned it again. Maybe because he had almost drowned later that day.

Gou acted completely differently. While Aki was shy and, like Makoto, didn’t want to show her real emotions to anyone, Gou didn’t hide anything. She openly admitted what she felt and thought, including the normally very embarrassing fact that she liked checking out the male swimmers. Gou was honest about her feelings, just like now. It was clearly seen how hurt she was by what he had done.

“Kou…” he started hesitantly, but it actually sounded more like his normal talking voice. “What are you doing here?”

Gou stared at him for a little while then quickly picked up the towel and stood up.

“I just thought you would catch a cold in a wind like this. Sorry for bothering you.”

With that Gou turned to leave. She walked in a normal pace but it was clearly seen she forced herself not to go any faster. She wanted to leave with dignity.

But Haruka couldn’t let her walk away like this, thinking that he was a jerk all along. Even his old self had known that hurting somebody emotionally was bad, not to mention the physical hurting even if it wasn’t that big. So he quickly stood up and hurried after Gou. He caught up with her just before she walked down the stairs and he stopped her by taking her hand, carefully, not to touch her uniform with his wet hand.

Gou stopped and they stayed like this for a long moment. The wind blow stronger and Haruka just started to feel how cold it was actually. His legs were freezing and he had to hold back the shivering with all of his might. Then Gou quickly wiped her face with her other hand and looked at him. The white of her eyes took a little pinkish shade but the tears that were probably there didn’t leave any trace. She just watched him with emotionless eyes.

Haruka sighed and looked away. He didn’t want this to happen. Hurting an other Matsuoka. But at least Gou gave him a chance to apologise, unlike Rin who left without saying anything. Now was his chance to do something.

“I’m sorry” he said with a low voice, not hiding how much he regretted what he had done. His gaze travelled to the hand he was holding. It was her right hand, the one he had hit. The top of it was red, the spot where his hand connected with hers. Gou had a small hand. Soft and delicate. It almost lost in his grip. It was a long time ago he hit away a girl’s hand like this. His hand had been smaller too and hadn’t held that much strength like now. He made greater pain than before and it made him feel worse.

Haruka touched the redness with his other hand, gently brushing it with his fingertips. At times like this he imagined Makoto looking at him with annoyed eyes. _You have to change, Haru._ That was what he would say and Haruka couldn’t agree more. He came a long way since he was twelve. A lot of things happened and a lot of things changed in him. But apparently it wasn’t enough. He was still more like that little jerk than the person what he wanted to be. He still put himself selfishly over everything. He needed to be someone who could care about others, no matter how much he would be involved in their lives. He needed to be someone like Makoto.

But would he be able to do that? No-one can change for one day to an other. He himself needed to hurt Rin to get to this point. Would he always need to hurt someone to change a bit more? Did he need to hurt Gou to reach an other level in changing? But what good would it make to anyone? He would feel more regret and others would be angry at him. Making Rin hurt and angry was enough for a life. He didn’t want it. He needed an other way.

Gou gently placed her other hand on his and Haruka froze. How long had they been standing there, him brushing her hand? Haruka looked up slowly, his eyes a little wider than normally and found a sight he didn’t expect. Gou was smiling at him warmly, her eyes shining in the orange light of the setting sun. Her whole being was glowing, radiating everything that was good. Peace, forgiveness, and something he couldn’t place anywhere but it was warm, just like her hand against his cold skin.

“It’s okay, Haruka-senpai” she said, the anger that was previously there was now completely gone. “I should have warned you before I did anything.”

Haruka quickly woke from his shock and shook his head. He didn’t want her to do this. He didn’t want her to put the blame on herself when clearly he was guilty. So he tightened the grip on her hand, just lightly to not cause any more pain.

“I’m sorry” he repeated and hardened his gaze. Even if he didn’t want to say it out loud he wanted her to know what he was thinking. He wasn’t good at being honest about his feelings like Nagisa but he had to give it a try. And he didn’t know if he succeeded or not. When Gou’s smile disappeared and her eyes widened, she parted her lips slightly like she was about to say something but she never got to do that.

“Haru, are you…”

Both of them quickly pulled back their hands. He didn’t know how, but Haruka completely forgot about his friends. He should have at least remembered that Makoto would check him after he finishes changing back to his casual cloths.

“Kou-chan!” Makoto looked at the girl with surprised eyes then smiled. “Did you manage to do everything you wanted?”

It happened in a blink but Haruka could still see it. Gou’s eyes reflected disappointment then she closed them and while she turned towards Makoto a smile slowly grew on her face. When she was finally facing the other boy she was back to her old, cheerful self.

“Yes, Makoto-senpai!” she said. “But I had to come back and see if everything was okay with you.”

Makoto quickly gazed at Haruka then back at Gou. Haruka wanted to roll his eyes at this.

“We trained according to the schedule” Makoto shrugged a little then he turned to Haruka with a half smile. “But Haru didn’t want to leave the water, again.”

That was enough for Haruka. He silenced Makoto’s chuckling with a stare and took the towel from Gou which he put on his head. He knew Gou was looking at him questioningly but he didn’t look her way. The towel prevented him to do so. But he couldn’t block Makoto out. He was keeping smiling at him from the knowing kind and he kept looking from him to Gou then back. Haruka wanted to look at him with annoyed eyes or maybe even voice his thoughts about this but he hold himself back and tried to keep an emotionless face. If he reacts, he would just confirm Makoto’s suspicions, whatever those were.

He walked slowly, waiting for Makoto to say goodbye to Gou and to turn away and he just then stopped and looked back. Gou was staring at him with a little confusion on her face. Without even knowing what he really wanted, Haruka lifted his hand and waved clumsily. He wasn’t good with these kind of things. He should have smiled too but he couldn’t make himself. That would be too much. For now.

But it seemed it was good enough for Gou. A shy smile appeared on her own face as she waved back, using the gesture more easily than him.

And it was good enough for him too to know she wasn’t angry anymore and honestly forgave him. Gou, apart from her happy outgoingness that Rin used to have, wasn’t like her brother. He was driven by motivations that didn’t let him do what his sister did. Gou wasn’t motivated by anything that forbade her forgiving.

“Haru!” Makoto didn’t turn around to see if he was following him or not. He maybe heard him not walking behind him.

Haruka quickly turned from Gou and walked away, keeping the distance from Makoto. He really didn’t want to see his smiling face and the eyes that could see through him and know every thought of his. Not when he himself didn’t know what he was thinking. He felt confused but glad too. After all, being in her grace after his mistake was a treasure. A treasure he was glad for, a treasure he wanted to keep and protect.


End file.
